full transcript

From the Ted Talk by Keiichiro Hirano: Love others to love yourself

Unscramble the Blue Letters

As I have been recently hrieang about disturbing sad news, I often think about the idea of loving yourself. We have been thugat to love other people as an itnoarpmt value, but I think loving our own selves hasn't been considered to be an iusse worth talking about. Why? It may be because it's too obvious, that we love ourselves, to take up the issue and stress the iamtcnpore. All of us can't avoid being estiigoc, sometimes. We want to have things our own way. If everything in our life is going well, can we love ourselves? Not necessarily so. The reason why it's hard to discuss "self-love" may be that it has a kind of a narcissistic whiff and sounds a little icky to people. If we saw somebody looking in the moirrr, saying, "How I love myself! Don't behtor me!"... I am not talking about myself! We would want to say, "Suit yourself! Keep looking in the mirror." I want to say it doesn't have to be like that, to love ourselves. Life isn't always easy. It would be, of course, nice if we were happy all our life. But in our life, many people might say, "I hate you," or "I wish you would dpiapaesr from this world." Going through the agony, we ultimately reach the realization that we have to love ourselves in the snsee of taking rstslieinpiboy for ourselves and looking after ourselves. If, when people tell us, "I hate you," we respond to it by saying, "Yes, I hate myself, too," the moment we said so, I'm sure we would lose our desire to go on living. I've felt the need for that kind of attitude more than once myself. Since we don't know what will happen in the future, the kind of situation in which we have to love ourselves might arise again, in the sense of needing to take care of ourselves. It would be wonderful if you could live a trouble-free life. For a quite long time, I couldn't figure out what kind of person I was. When I did something good for others, people showed appreciation to me, and then I thohugt I was baislacly a pttery good person. Like that, I had occasions that made me feel relieved. On the other hand, when I would really hurt someone, I was very disappointed in myself, feeling like I was fundamentally a ceurl person. To love ourselves actually may be harder than to love any other person, because we know ourselves thoroughly, through and through. Looking back at all we have done in the past, and remembering: "Boy, I did such things as this and that..." And not only the good things we've done, but unpleasant things we've done also come back at us. Can we love ourselves with knowing all those sides of us? At this pniot, I thought, in our thought process, there must be something fundamentally wnorg. Then, I started by doing this to change it: First, I honestly looked back at myself, seeing a pretty good person, or one not so good. And for the time being, I atcpeecd all my "selves," good or bad. Instead of being judgmental about myself, thinking "I may be a nice guy at heart," or "I may be basically a cruel person," "Which one is really me?" I decided to acpect all my "selves" as parts of myself, and thought about why I had so many varied "selves" in this one person. To sum it up, it's in response to different people and different situations. When I talk to my gotnehramdr, I am very rxleead. When I talk to people at work, I may sound serious, putting on a serious look, tliakng about difficult things. When I talk to somebody who rubs me the wrong way, you can bet the tone of my vcioe can't be this calm. I try not to come into contact with such a person in the first place. In any case, each "self" of mine has its own uniqueness. To love each "self" of mine equally in order to love myself may be very difficult, but I can say, "I love my 'self' when I am with this person. I become somebody whom I even ahbor when I am with that person. But I like my 'self' pretty well when I am with this particular person. I am not too bad." In fact, to love ourselves may not be that hard after all. Take romance. Suppose there are two girls, and I have feelings toward both of them. One day I have a date with one of them, and have dinner with her. I enjoy being with her, talking a lot, frequently interjecting jokes, smiling at each other, and we icrtaent with each other very well. Then suddenly I notice it's the time for the last train. I rush to the train station to catch the last one. And at home, I'm happy with myself. As for the other girl, I also like her, but during our date, I can't talk or joke that much... And we often get awkward selciens. I feel like a mlrebasie loser. I don't feel like going on with her, so after having dneinr, we say goodbye to each other. After the two dates, if I were asked which one I would rather see again, I would choose the first one without htoieasitn. There's no doubt I like her, but rather because I like my "self" when I am with her. I enjoy my "self" when I am with her, and find life worth living in the life of that "self" of mine. The dinioetifn of "love" may be to love somebody else, this surely is not wrong, but what I would like to add to it is: Rather, to love means, with the help of the person we love, for us to be able to love ourselves. That's what I'd like to think. "I can reveal my inner self as I wish without any difficulties, being true to myself, when I am with that person, and it will never happen with anybody else." Unfortunately, some of our relationships come to end. Some end out of disputes. Others end due to dateh. When we grieve over losing our loved ones, we miss the voice and hug of the person, and many other things, but I wonder if we may rather be grieving over losing the life of our "self" who leivd with that person, thinking: "Only with them could I talk felery like that. Only with them could I be honest with myself. Only with them could I be silly like that. But that person is gone now, and I can't live the life of that 'self' of mine I love any leognr." I wonder if that is what we really gevrie over. And, of course, vice versa. If somebody says to me, "I love you," I will be eoiruhpc, yinlleg, "Yes!" But if I were told, "Thanks to you, I come to love myself," or "I love myself when I'm with you more than when I am with anybody else," that would be something which strikes my herat more. That my existence validates one person's existence that way moves me with a deep joy, something poignant. Each time when we find one "self" we love, we may be fnnidig our flootohd we need to go on linvig. In our life, we feel like we need to be loved by many pelpoe, a certain percentage of people in our groups, in our class, our wlpoarkce. But not that many of those "selves" we love may be necessary. If we find two or three of our "selves" we love in ourselves, we can go on with those as our foothold. Five or six may be more than enough. You may think you only have 3 friends in your class at school or you may think three that many friends who help you like yourself. All depends on how you take it. To love ourselves doesn't mean saying: "I am crazy about myself," looking into a mirror, but, instead, it means, with the help of or via somebody else, for us to come to love ourselves. It's probably where we start really loving ourselves. And that is why, as we feel the need, we love others as issldnnabiepe individuals. That's all I want to say. Thank you. (Applause)

Open Cloze

As I have been recently _______ about disturbing sad news, I often think about the idea of loving yourself. We have been ______ to love other people as an _________ value, but I think loving our own selves hasn't been considered to be an _____ worth talking about. Why? It may be because it's too obvious, that we love ourselves, to take up the issue and stress the __________. All of us can't avoid being ________, sometimes. We want to have things our own way. If everything in our life is going well, can we love ourselves? Not necessarily so. The reason why it's hard to discuss "self-love" may be that it has a kind of a narcissistic whiff and sounds a little icky to people. If we saw somebody looking in the ______, saying, "How I love myself! Don't ______ me!"... I am not talking about myself! We would want to say, "Suit yourself! Keep looking in the mirror." I want to say it doesn't have to be like that, to love ourselves. Life isn't always easy. It would be, of course, nice if we were happy all our life. But in our life, many people might say, "I hate you," or "I wish you would _________ from this world." Going through the agony, we ultimately reach the realization that we have to love ourselves in the _____ of taking ______________ for ourselves and looking after ourselves. If, when people tell us, "I hate you," we respond to it by saying, "Yes, I hate myself, too," the moment we said so, I'm sure we would lose our desire to go on living. I've felt the need for that kind of attitude more than once myself. Since we don't know what will happen in the future, the kind of situation in which we have to love ourselves might arise again, in the sense of needing to take care of ourselves. It would be wonderful if you could live a trouble-free life. For a quite long time, I couldn't figure out what kind of person I was. When I did something good for others, people showed appreciation to me, and then I _______ I was _________ a ______ good person. Like that, I had occasions that made me feel relieved. On the other hand, when I would really hurt someone, I was very disappointed in myself, feeling like I was fundamentally a _____ person. To love ourselves actually may be harder than to love any other person, because we know ourselves thoroughly, through and through. Looking back at all we have done in the past, and remembering: "Boy, I did such things as this and that..." And not only the good things we've done, but unpleasant things we've done also come back at us. Can we love ourselves with knowing all those sides of us? At this _____, I thought, in our thought process, there must be something fundamentally _____. Then, I started by doing this to change it: First, I honestly looked back at myself, seeing a pretty good person, or one not so good. And for the time being, I ________ all my "selves," good or bad. Instead of being judgmental about myself, thinking "I may be a nice guy at heart," or "I may be basically a cruel person," "Which one is really me?" I decided to ______ all my "selves" as parts of myself, and thought about why I had so many varied "selves" in this one person. To sum it up, it's in response to different people and different situations. When I talk to my ___________, I am very _______. When I talk to people at work, I may sound serious, putting on a serious look, _______ about difficult things. When I talk to somebody who rubs me the wrong way, you can bet the tone of my _____ can't be this calm. I try not to come into contact with such a person in the first place. In any case, each "self" of mine has its own uniqueness. To love each "self" of mine equally in order to love myself may be very difficult, but I can say, "I love my 'self' when I am with this person. I become somebody whom I even _____ when I am with that person. But I like my 'self' pretty well when I am with this particular person. I am not too bad." In fact, to love ourselves may not be that hard after all. Take romance. Suppose there are two girls, and I have feelings toward both of them. One day I have a date with one of them, and have dinner with her. I enjoy being with her, talking a lot, frequently interjecting jokes, smiling at each other, and we ________ with each other very well. Then suddenly I notice it's the time for the last train. I rush to the train station to catch the last one. And at home, I'm happy with myself. As for the other girl, I also like her, but during our date, I can't talk or joke that much... And we often get awkward ________. I feel like a _________ loser. I don't feel like going on with her, so after having ______, we say goodbye to each other. After the two dates, if I were asked which one I would rather see again, I would choose the first one without __________. There's no doubt I like her, but rather because I like my "self" when I am with her. I enjoy my "self" when I am with her, and find life worth living in the life of that "self" of mine. The __________ of "love" may be to love somebody else, this surely is not wrong, but what I would like to add to it is: Rather, to love means, with the help of the person we love, for us to be able to love ourselves. That's what I'd like to think. "I can reveal my inner self as I wish without any difficulties, being true to myself, when I am with that person, and it will never happen with anybody else." Unfortunately, some of our relationships come to end. Some end out of disputes. Others end due to _____. When we grieve over losing our loved ones, we miss the voice and hug of the person, and many other things, but I wonder if we may rather be grieving over losing the life of our "self" who _____ with that person, thinking: "Only with them could I talk ______ like that. Only with them could I be honest with myself. Only with them could I be silly like that. But that person is gone now, and I can't live the life of that 'self' of mine I love any ______." I wonder if that is what we really ______ over. And, of course, vice versa. If somebody says to me, "I love you," I will be ________, _______, "Yes!" But if I were told, "Thanks to you, I come to love myself," or "I love myself when I'm with you more than when I am with anybody else," that would be something which strikes my _____ more. That my existence validates one person's existence that way moves me with a deep joy, something poignant. Each time when we find one "self" we love, we may be _______ our ________ we need to go on ______. In our life, we feel like we need to be loved by many ______, a certain percentage of people in our groups, in our class, our _________. But not that many of those "selves" we love may be necessary. If we find two or three of our "selves" we love in ourselves, we can go on with those as our foothold. Five or six may be more than enough. You may think you only have 3 friends in your class at school or you may think three that many friends who help you like yourself. All depends on how you take it. To love ourselves doesn't mean saying: "I am crazy about myself," looking into a mirror, but, instead, it means, with the help of or via somebody else, for us to come to love ourselves. It's probably where we start really loving ourselves. And that is why, as we feel the need, we love others as _____________ individuals. That's all I want to say. Thank you. (Applause)

Solution

  1. disappear
  2. taught
  3. euphoric
  4. thought
  5. relaxed
  6. hesitation
  7. issue
  8. basically
  9. heart
  10. freely
  11. voice
  12. mirror
  13. lived
  14. wrong
  15. interact
  16. death
  17. people
  18. grandmother
  19. accept
  20. silences
  21. longer
  22. sense
  23. grieve
  24. important
  25. accepted
  26. workplace
  27. cruel
  28. hearing
  29. miserable
  30. egoistic
  31. point
  32. living
  33. finding
  34. definition
  35. dinner
  36. foothold
  37. pretty
  38. talking
  39. indispensable
  40. responsibility
  41. bother
  42. yelling
  43. abhor
  44. importance

Original Text

As I have been recently hearing about disturbing sad news, I often think about the idea of loving yourself. We have been taught to love other people as an important value, but I think loving our own selves hasn't been considered to be an issue worth talking about. Why? It may be because it's too obvious, that we love ourselves, to take up the issue and stress the importance. All of us can't avoid being egoistic, sometimes. We want to have things our own way. If everything in our life is going well, can we love ourselves? Not necessarily so. The reason why it's hard to discuss "self-love" may be that it has a kind of a narcissistic whiff and sounds a little icky to people. If we saw somebody looking in the mirror, saying, "How I love myself! Don't bother me!"... I am not talking about myself! We would want to say, "Suit yourself! Keep looking in the mirror." I want to say it doesn't have to be like that, to love ourselves. Life isn't always easy. It would be, of course, nice if we were happy all our life. But in our life, many people might say, "I hate you," or "I wish you would disappear from this world." Going through the agony, we ultimately reach the realization that we have to love ourselves in the sense of taking responsibility for ourselves and looking after ourselves. If, when people tell us, "I hate you," we respond to it by saying, "Yes, I hate myself, too," the moment we said so, I'm sure we would lose our desire to go on living. I've felt the need for that kind of attitude more than once myself. Since we don't know what will happen in the future, the kind of situation in which we have to love ourselves might arise again, in the sense of needing to take care of ourselves. It would be wonderful if you could live a trouble-free life. For a quite long time, I couldn't figure out what kind of person I was. When I did something good for others, people showed appreciation to me, and then I thought I was basically a pretty good person. Like that, I had occasions that made me feel relieved. On the other hand, when I would really hurt someone, I was very disappointed in myself, feeling like I was fundamentally a cruel person. To love ourselves actually may be harder than to love any other person, because we know ourselves thoroughly, through and through. Looking back at all we have done in the past, and remembering: "Boy, I did such things as this and that..." And not only the good things we've done, but unpleasant things we've done also come back at us. Can we love ourselves with knowing all those sides of us? At this point, I thought, in our thought process, there must be something fundamentally wrong. Then, I started by doing this to change it: First, I honestly looked back at myself, seeing a pretty good person, or one not so good. And for the time being, I accepted all my "selves," good or bad. Instead of being judgmental about myself, thinking "I may be a nice guy at heart," or "I may be basically a cruel person," "Which one is really me?" I decided to accept all my "selves" as parts of myself, and thought about why I had so many varied "selves" in this one person. To sum it up, it's in response to different people and different situations. When I talk to my grandmother, I am very relaxed. When I talk to people at work, I may sound serious, putting on a serious look, talking about difficult things. When I talk to somebody who rubs me the wrong way, you can bet the tone of my voice can't be this calm. I try not to come into contact with such a person in the first place. In any case, each "self" of mine has its own uniqueness. To love each "self" of mine equally in order to love myself may be very difficult, but I can say, "I love my 'self' when I am with this person. I become somebody whom I even abhor when I am with that person. But I like my 'self' pretty well when I am with this particular person. I am not too bad." In fact, to love ourselves may not be that hard after all. Take romance. Suppose there are two girls, and I have feelings toward both of them. One day I have a date with one of them, and have dinner with her. I enjoy being with her, talking a lot, frequently interjecting jokes, smiling at each other, and we interact with each other very well. Then suddenly I notice it's the time for the last train. I rush to the train station to catch the last one. And at home, I'm happy with myself. As for the other girl, I also like her, but during our date, I can't talk or joke that much... And we often get awkward silences. I feel like a miserable loser. I don't feel like going on with her, so after having dinner, we say goodbye to each other. After the two dates, if I were asked which one I would rather see again, I would choose the first one without hesitation. There's no doubt I like her, but rather because I like my "self" when I am with her. I enjoy my "self" when I am with her, and find life worth living in the life of that "self" of mine. The definition of "love" may be to love somebody else, this surely is not wrong, but what I would like to add to it is: Rather, to love means, with the help of the person we love, for us to be able to love ourselves. That's what I'd like to think. "I can reveal my inner self as I wish without any difficulties, being true to myself, when I am with that person, and it will never happen with anybody else." Unfortunately, some of our relationships come to end. Some end out of disputes. Others end due to death. When we grieve over losing our loved ones, we miss the voice and hug of the person, and many other things, but I wonder if we may rather be grieving over losing the life of our "self" who lived with that person, thinking: "Only with them could I talk freely like that. Only with them could I be honest with myself. Only with them could I be silly like that. But that person is gone now, and I can't live the life of that 'self' of mine I love any longer." I wonder if that is what we really grieve over. And, of course, vice versa. If somebody says to me, "I love you," I will be euphoric, yelling, "Yes!" But if I were told, "Thanks to you, I come to love myself," or "I love myself when I'm with you more than when I am with anybody else," that would be something which strikes my heart more. That my existence validates one person's existence that way moves me with a deep joy, something poignant. Each time when we find one "self" we love, we may be finding our foothold we need to go on living. In our life, we feel like we need to be loved by many people, a certain percentage of people in our groups, in our class, our workplace. But not that many of those "selves" we love may be necessary. If we find two or three of our "selves" we love in ourselves, we can go on with those as our foothold. Five or six may be more than enough. You may think you only have 3 friends in your class at school or you may think three that many friends who help you like yourself. All depends on how you take it. To love ourselves doesn't mean saying: "I am crazy about myself," looking into a mirror, but, instead, it means, with the help of or via somebody else, for us to come to love ourselves. It's probably where we start really loving ourselves. And that is why, as we feel the need, we love others as indispensable individuals. That's all I want to say. Thank you. (Applause)

Frequently Occurring Word Combinations

ngrams of length 2

collocation frequency
pretty good 2

Important Words

  1. abhor
  2. accept
  3. accepted
  4. add
  5. agony
  6. applause
  7. appreciation
  8. arise
  9. asked
  10. attitude
  11. avoid
  12. awkward
  13. bad
  14. basically
  15. bet
  16. bother
  17. calm
  18. care
  19. case
  20. catch
  21. change
  22. choose
  23. class
  24. considered
  25. contact
  26. crazy
  27. cruel
  28. date
  29. dates
  30. day
  31. death
  32. decided
  33. deep
  34. definition
  35. depends
  36. desire
  37. difficult
  38. difficulties
  39. dinner
  40. disappear
  41. disappointed
  42. discuss
  43. disputes
  44. disturbing
  45. doubt
  46. due
  47. easy
  48. egoistic
  49. enjoy
  50. equally
  51. euphoric
  52. existence
  53. fact
  54. feel
  55. feeling
  56. feelings
  57. felt
  58. figure
  59. find
  60. finding
  61. foothold
  62. freely
  63. frequently
  64. friends
  65. fundamentally
  66. future
  67. girl
  68. girls
  69. good
  70. goodbye
  71. grandmother
  72. grieve
  73. grieving
  74. groups
  75. guy
  76. hand
  77. happen
  78. happy
  79. hard
  80. harder
  81. hate
  82. hearing
  83. heart
  84. hesitation
  85. home
  86. honest
  87. honestly
  88. hug
  89. hurt
  90. icky
  91. idea
  92. importance
  93. important
  94. indispensable
  95. individuals
  96. interact
  97. interjecting
  98. issue
  99. joke
  100. jokes
  101. joy
  102. judgmental
  103. kind
  104. knowing
  105. life
  106. live
  107. lived
  108. living
  109. long
  110. longer
  111. looked
  112. lose
  113. loser
  114. losing
  115. lot
  116. love
  117. loved
  118. loving
  119. means
  120. mirror
  121. miserable
  122. moment
  123. moves
  124. narcissistic
  125. necessarily
  126. needing
  127. news
  128. nice
  129. notice
  130. obvious
  131. occasions
  132. order
  133. parts
  134. people
  135. percentage
  136. person
  137. place
  138. poignant
  139. point
  140. pretty
  141. process
  142. putting
  143. reach
  144. realization
  145. reason
  146. relationships
  147. relaxed
  148. relieved
  149. respond
  150. response
  151. responsibility
  152. reveal
  153. romance
  154. rubs
  155. rush
  156. sad
  157. school
  158. sense
  159. showed
  160. sides
  161. silences
  162. silly
  163. situation
  164. situations
  165. smiling
  166. sound
  167. sounds
  168. start
  169. started
  170. station
  171. stress
  172. strikes
  173. suddenly
  174. sum
  175. suppose
  176. surely
  177. talk
  178. talking
  179. taught
  180. thinking
  181. thought
  182. time
  183. told
  184. tone
  185. train
  186. true
  187. ultimately
  188. uniqueness
  189. unpleasant
  190. validates
  191. varied
  192. versa
  193. vice
  194. voice
  195. whiff
  196. wonderful
  197. work
  198. workplace
  199. world
  200. worth
  201. wrong
  202. yelling