full transcript

From the Ted Talk by Emily Nagoski: The keys to a happier, healthier sex life

Unscramble the Blue Letters

(Exhales deeply) Today, right? Please join me in one big, deep breath before we dive into talking about sex. (Laughter) Just one big, slow, deep breath in. (ielnahs) And a big, slow, deep btearh out. (Exhales) OK, now let's talk about sex. So yes, my name is Emily. I am a sex educator. It's the best job in the world. In the fall of 2010, I taught a class called "Women's Sexuality" at Smith College. It was a 100-level, introductory-level class, but I shoehorned in all the sicnece I could, all the psychophysiology and all the neuroscience and even - God forbid - all the sociology, and at the end of this really intense seetsemr, I asked my students to write down just one really important thing that they had learned. This is what they said: "I'm normal." "I am namorl." "Just because my sexuality is not the same as other women's, that does not make me abnormal." "Everything is normal. Bringing joy and confidence to sex." "I learned that everything is normal, mniakg it possible for me to go through the rest of my life with confidence and joy." 187 students I had in that calss, and more than half of them wrote something along the lines of ... "I'm normal." So I sat in my office, and I read those responses with tears in my eyes. There was something essential to my students about feeling normal, and somehow my class had unlocked the door to that fneeilg. Moments like that are why I'm a sex educator; it's why I'm here. I mean, it's why I'm here in neavda, but it's why I'm here: to give everyone on Earth an eexpcierne like the one my students had, of unlikncog the door to their own authentic sexual well-being. So that's what I'm going to do with you guys today. (Laughter) Because it tnrus out, we all really are ... normal. The science says so. I can prove it! Are you radey? Let's do it! OK! (Inhales deeply) The mcaihnsem in your brain that controls sexual response is the "dual cortonl model." The dual control model - that maens there's how many parts? Two! Thank you! And if I tell you the first part is the sexual accelerator or the "gas pedal," that means the second part has to be the ... ? Brake! They don't let just anybody into these TED Talks. (Laughter) So, the sexual accelerator notices all the sexually-relevant information in the environment, everything you see, hear, smell, touch, ttase or imagine, that your brain codes as sulxaely relevant, and it sends the signal that says "Turn on." And it is functioning at a low level all the time, including right now, just the fact that we're talking about sex is a little bit sexually rlneveat. At the same time that that's happening, in parallel, your brake is noticing all the very good reasons not to be turned on right now. This is everything you see, hear, smell, touch, taste or imagine that your brain codes as a potential threat. And it sends a signal that says "Turn off." So the process of becoming aroused is the dual process of turning on the ons and turning off the offs. Usually when people struggle with their sexual well-being, it's because - sometimes there's not enough stimulation to the gas pedal, but more often, it's because there's too much stiuoimtaln to the brake, and all kinds of things can hit the brake. Like: Are you worried about unwanted pregnancy? Are you worried about your kids walking in, in the middle? Are you really sure that your partner loves your sexy body? Are you really sure that you love your sexy body? Did you spend the first two decades of your life in a cturlue that taught you that sex is dangerous, disgusting and dirty? That's going to hit the brake, right? (Laughter) So the first thing science tells us to do when we're sigrlntugg with our sexual fouinncnitg, when we want to access our own authentic sexual well-being, is to start to think through: What are things that hit our alcacetroer? What are the things that hit our brkae? And especially, what are some strategies that we can use in odrer to minimise the things that are hitting the brake? I'm going to talk about two such evidence-based strategies at the end of the talk. But before I do that, I need to come clean with you about something, which is that all that stuff I just said isn't anywhere near as simple as I made it sound. Sorry. To explain what I mean, I'll tell you about the only affective neuroscience that has ever made me laugh out loud. OK. So I need you to imagine that you're a lab rat. You're a very svvay, experienced lab rat and the researchers have iertnesd a probe into your nucleus accumbens, a little, sort of jellybean-shaped thing in the mddile of your eoomnatil brain. It's a painless procedure, the researchers are clear to say. Plink! So you're this sort of semi-remote-controlled boniic rat, and you're in a three-chambered box, here you are in box #1 - just the ordinary lab ernnvoemnit - there's a bit of noise, the lights are on, but it's fine, you're good at this. So when the researchers zap the front of your neuculs accumbens, here's what you do: Ooh, ooh! What's that? Ooh! So these are approach, moving toward, curious behaviors, right? Ooh! What's that? And then, in this ordinary lab environment - the first box - when they zap the back of your nucleus accumbens, you do this: aaah, what the hell is that!? You're kicking up dust in the face of the poetadrr. These are stress, avoidance, dread responses, right? Moving away as opposed to moving towards. Hit the front? Ooh..! What's that? Hit the back? What the hell is that!? Got that? (Laughter) That's box #1. So we move into box #2. Now box #2 is silent, and it's dark, and it smells like your moethr. (Laughter) It is ... I call it the "Rat Spa." It's the most peaceful, calm state of mind you can imagine being in, and when they zap the fonrt of your nucleus accumbens, What do you do? Ooh, ooh! What's that? Ooh! And then, when they zap the back of your nucleus ambnucces, What do they do? Ooh, ooh! What's that? When you're in a calm, rexlaed, peaceful state of mind, your brain will interpret almost any sensation as something that should be approached with curiosity. Even stimulation that in a different cxonett, it might interpret as a potential tareht to be moevd away from. But wait ... There's more! (Laughter) We move to box #3. So, here in box #3, the lights are on really bright, music's played at different volumes, you can't even get used to it, they specify in the research paper - this made me laugh out loud - they specify they're playing Iggy Pop. So ... (leuhgtar) Imagine "Lust for Life" is playing at lots of different volumes, you can't get used to it, you're an introverted bookworm in the worst nightclub in the world, and when they zap the front of your nucleus accumbens, What do you do? Aah..! What the hell is that!? Exactly! They don't let just anybody into these talks, that's amazing! So, when you are in a stressed-out, threatened state of mind, your barin will iertrepnt almost any sensation as something to be avoided, as a potential threat - even stimulation that in a different context, it might've interpreted as something to be acpoeharpd with curiosity. All of which is a really ndery way of describing a thing all of us have experienced in the form of tickling. (Laughter) Because, you know, tickling is not everyone's favorite, that's fair, I understand, but at least hypothetically, you can imiagne a world where you're in a sexy, fun, flirty state of mind already, and your certain special someone sattrs tiinklcg on you, and it can feel fun and playful and potentially lead to further nooky, right? But if that exact same certain sipeacl someone tried to tickle when you were pissed off at them, (Laughter) how would that feel? As one of my sndttues recently put it: "Violence would shortly ensue." (Laughter) But the weird thing is, it's exactly the same sensation, but because the context is different, your brain ittneeprrs it entirely the opposite way. So when I say, "Turn on the ons, and turn off the offs," it's nowhere near as simple as just "Touch me here - don't tucoh me that way." What it means is, cratee a context that allows your brain to interpret the world as a pleasurable, safe, sexy place. For most people - again, people vary - but for most people, that context is low stress, high affection and high tsrut. Those three things are hard enough to come by in the 21st century, but they are not actually the keys that unlock that door to your authentic sexual well-being. Sorry! But this is the big moment, right? This is when I - here they are. I've got this satin shiny pillow with tassels and two keys lnyig on it. Right here: the keys to your authentic sexual well-being. Don't you want to know what they are? I will explain. The first key says "confidence," and the second key says "joy." How do they work? What do you mean? Where do I get them? Confidence - Confidence comes from knowing what is true about your body, your sexuality, your internal experience. Knowing what's true. Knowing that you have a brake, for example, as well as an accelerator. Knowing that they're sensitive to context, knowing what's true even if it's not what you were tugaht to expect would be true, even if it's not what you were taught "should" be true. Confidence is kiownng what is true. Joy ... is loving what's true. Loving your brake as much as your accelerator, loving that they're sensitive to context, loving what's true even if it's not what you were taught to expect would be true, even - especially - if it's not what you were taught "should" be true. And I guarantee you, you're going to walk out of here with both keys in your poekct. I'm going to tell you specifically how to get your hands on them. But first, I need to talk to you about a cartoon panda. (Laughter) Have you seen the movie "Kung-fu Panda"? It's about a cartoon panda named Po; he becomes a kung-fu master - "Kung Fu Panda" - by diligent effort, the srpupot of his teacher and the wisdom of the draogn Scroll. The Dragon Scroll contains the key to limitless power! And when Po first gets his hands on the Dragon Scroll he is ... disappointed because there's nothing wetirtn on it. It's banlk. It just relfetcs his face. And then comes his epiphany: There is no seerct ingredient. It's just ... you. And that is how you get your hands on the keys that unclok the door to your own authentic sexual well-being, by turning toward your own internal experience with calm curiosity. Ooh! What's that? Because it turns out the key to limitless power is you. And now I will tell you the two concrete, specific, evidence-based things that you can do in order to increase your grasp on these two keys of cocfendine and joy. Ready? Thing #1: What I want you to do is stnad in front of a mriror as close to naked as you can talertoe. (Laughter) It gets worse! (Laughter) So what you're going to do is look at what you see there, and you're going to write down everything that you see that you like.

Open Cloze

(Exhales deeply) Today, right? Please join me in one big, deep breath before we dive into talking about sex. (Laughter) Just one big, slow, deep breath in. (_______) And a big, slow, deep ______ out. (Exhales) OK, now let's talk about sex. So yes, my name is Emily. I am a sex educator. It's the best job in the world. In the fall of 2010, I taught a class called "Women's Sexuality" at Smith College. It was a 100-level, introductory-level class, but I shoehorned in all the _______ I could, all the psychophysiology and all the neuroscience and even - God forbid - all the sociology, and at the end of this really intense ________, I asked my students to write down just one really important thing that they had learned. This is what they said: "I'm normal." "I am ______." "Just because my sexuality is not the same as other women's, that does not make me abnormal." "Everything is normal. Bringing joy and confidence to sex." "I learned that everything is normal, ______ it possible for me to go through the rest of my life with confidence and joy." 187 students I had in that _____, and more than half of them wrote something along the lines of ... "I'm normal." So I sat in my office, and I read those responses with tears in my eyes. There was something essential to my students about feeling normal, and somehow my class had unlocked the door to that _______. Moments like that are why I'm a sex educator; it's why I'm here. I mean, it's why I'm here in ______, but it's why I'm here: to give everyone on Earth an __________ like the one my students had, of _________ the door to their own authentic sexual well-being. So that's what I'm going to do with you guys today. (Laughter) Because it _____ out, we all really are ... normal. The science says so. I can prove it! Are you _____? Let's do it! OK! (Inhales deeply) The _________ in your brain that controls sexual response is the "dual _______ model." The dual control model - that _____ there's how many parts? Two! Thank you! And if I tell you the first part is the sexual accelerator or the "gas pedal," that means the second part has to be the ... ? Brake! They don't let just anybody into these TED Talks. (Laughter) So, the sexual accelerator notices all the sexually-relevant information in the environment, everything you see, hear, smell, touch, _____ or imagine, that your brain codes as ________ relevant, and it sends the signal that says "Turn on." And it is functioning at a low level all the time, including right now, just the fact that we're talking about sex is a little bit sexually ________. At the same time that that's happening, in parallel, your brake is noticing all the very good reasons not to be turned on right now. This is everything you see, hear, smell, touch, taste or imagine that your brain codes as a potential threat. And it sends a signal that says "Turn off." So the process of becoming aroused is the dual process of turning on the ons and turning off the offs. Usually when people struggle with their sexual well-being, it's because - sometimes there's not enough stimulation to the gas pedal, but more often, it's because there's too much ___________ to the brake, and all kinds of things can hit the brake. Like: Are you worried about unwanted pregnancy? Are you worried about your kids walking in, in the middle? Are you really sure that your partner loves your sexy body? Are you really sure that you love your sexy body? Did you spend the first two decades of your life in a _______ that taught you that sex is dangerous, disgusting and dirty? That's going to hit the brake, right? (Laughter) So the first thing science tells us to do when we're __________ with our sexual ___________, when we want to access our own authentic sexual well-being, is to start to think through: What are things that hit our ___________? What are the things that hit our _____? And especially, what are some strategies that we can use in _____ to minimise the things that are hitting the brake? I'm going to talk about two such evidence-based strategies at the end of the talk. But before I do that, I need to come clean with you about something, which is that all that stuff I just said isn't anywhere near as simple as I made it sound. Sorry. To explain what I mean, I'll tell you about the only affective neuroscience that has ever made me laugh out loud. OK. So I need you to imagine that you're a lab rat. You're a very _____, experienced lab rat and the researchers have ________ a probe into your nucleus accumbens, a little, sort of jellybean-shaped thing in the ______ of your _________ brain. It's a painless procedure, the researchers are clear to say. Plink! So you're this sort of semi-remote-controlled ______ rat, and you're in a three-chambered box, here you are in box #1 - just the ordinary lab ___________ - there's a bit of noise, the lights are on, but it's fine, you're good at this. So when the researchers zap the front of your _______ accumbens, here's what you do: Ooh, ooh! What's that? Ooh! So these are approach, moving toward, curious behaviors, right? Ooh! What's that? And then, in this ordinary lab environment - the first box - when they zap the back of your nucleus accumbens, you do this: aaah, what the hell is that!? You're kicking up dust in the face of the ________. These are stress, avoidance, dread responses, right? Moving away as opposed to moving towards. Hit the front? Ooh..! What's that? Hit the back? What the hell is that!? Got that? (Laughter) That's box #1. So we move into box #2. Now box #2 is silent, and it's dark, and it smells like your ______. (Laughter) It is ... I call it the "Rat Spa." It's the most peaceful, calm state of mind you can imagine being in, and when they zap the _____ of your nucleus accumbens, What do you do? Ooh, ooh! What's that? Ooh! And then, when they zap the back of your nucleus _________, What do they do? Ooh, ooh! What's that? When you're in a calm, _______, peaceful state of mind, your brain will interpret almost any sensation as something that should be approached with curiosity. Even stimulation that in a different _______, it might interpret as a potential ______ to be _____ away from. But wait ... There's more! (Laughter) We move to box #3. So, here in box #3, the lights are on really bright, music's played at different volumes, you can't even get used to it, they specify in the research paper - this made me laugh out loud - they specify they're playing Iggy Pop. So ... (________) Imagine "Lust for Life" is playing at lots of different volumes, you can't get used to it, you're an introverted bookworm in the worst nightclub in the world, and when they zap the front of your nucleus accumbens, What do you do? Aah..! What the hell is that!? Exactly! They don't let just anybody into these talks, that's amazing! So, when you are in a stressed-out, threatened state of mind, your _____ will _________ almost any sensation as something to be avoided, as a potential threat - even stimulation that in a different context, it might've interpreted as something to be __________ with curiosity. All of which is a really _____ way of describing a thing all of us have experienced in the form of tickling. (Laughter) Because, you know, tickling is not everyone's favorite, that's fair, I understand, but at least hypothetically, you can _______ a world where you're in a sexy, fun, flirty state of mind already, and your certain special someone ______ ________ on you, and it can feel fun and playful and potentially lead to further nooky, right? But if that exact same certain _______ someone tried to tickle when you were pissed off at them, (Laughter) how would that feel? As one of my ________ recently put it: "Violence would shortly ensue." (Laughter) But the weird thing is, it's exactly the same sensation, but because the context is different, your brain __________ it entirely the opposite way. So when I say, "Turn on the ons, and turn off the offs," it's nowhere near as simple as just "Touch me here - don't _____ me that way." What it means is, ______ a context that allows your brain to interpret the world as a pleasurable, safe, sexy place. For most people - again, people vary - but for most people, that context is low stress, high affection and high _____. Those three things are hard enough to come by in the 21st century, but they are not actually the keys that unlock that door to your authentic sexual well-being. Sorry! But this is the big moment, right? This is when I - here they are. I've got this satin shiny pillow with tassels and two keys _____ on it. Right here: the keys to your authentic sexual well-being. Don't you want to know what they are? I will explain. The first key says "confidence," and the second key says "joy." How do they work? What do you mean? Where do I get them? Confidence - Confidence comes from knowing what is true about your body, your sexuality, your internal experience. Knowing what's true. Knowing that you have a brake, for example, as well as an accelerator. Knowing that they're sensitive to context, knowing what's true even if it's not what you were ______ to expect would be true, even if it's not what you were taught "should" be true. Confidence is _______ what is true. Joy ... is loving what's true. Loving your brake as much as your accelerator, loving that they're sensitive to context, loving what's true even if it's not what you were taught to expect would be true, even - especially - if it's not what you were taught "should" be true. And I guarantee you, you're going to walk out of here with both keys in your ______. I'm going to tell you specifically how to get your hands on them. But first, I need to talk to you about a cartoon panda. (Laughter) Have you seen the movie "Kung-fu Panda"? It's about a cartoon panda named Po; he becomes a kung-fu master - "Kung Fu Panda" - by diligent effort, the _______ of his teacher and the wisdom of the ______ Scroll. The Dragon Scroll contains the key to limitless power! And when Po first gets his hands on the Dragon Scroll he is ... disappointed because there's nothing _______ on it. It's _____. It just ________ his face. And then comes his epiphany: There is no ______ ingredient. It's just ... you. And that is how you get your hands on the keys that ______ the door to your own authentic sexual well-being, by turning toward your own internal experience with calm curiosity. Ooh! What's that? Because it turns out the key to limitless power is you. And now I will tell you the two concrete, specific, evidence-based things that you can do in order to increase your grasp on these two keys of __________ and joy. Ready? Thing #1: What I want you to do is _____ in front of a ______ as close to naked as you can ________. (Laughter) It gets worse! (Laughter) So what you're going to do is look at what you see there, and you're going to write down everything that you see that you like.

Solution

  1. knowing
  2. blank
  3. touch
  4. context
  5. control
  6. functioning
  7. nucleus
  8. laughter
  9. nerdy
  10. confidence
  11. breath
  12. means
  13. environment
  14. unlock
  15. ready
  16. order
  17. approached
  18. relevant
  19. taught
  20. bionic
  21. mother
  22. imagine
  23. class
  24. pocket
  25. reflects
  26. normal
  27. feeling
  28. semester
  29. making
  30. mechanism
  31. secret
  32. sexually
  33. unlocking
  34. tolerate
  35. turns
  36. relaxed
  37. accelerator
  38. nevada
  39. create
  40. stand
  41. moved
  42. brake
  43. science
  44. interpret
  45. predator
  46. students
  47. inserted
  48. mirror
  49. lying
  50. struggling
  51. interprets
  52. dragon
  53. front
  54. tickling
  55. accumbens
  56. taste
  57. special
  58. stimulation
  59. middle
  60. emotional
  61. support
  62. starts
  63. inhales
  64. threat
  65. trust
  66. written
  67. culture
  68. experience
  69. savvy
  70. brain

Original Text

(Exhales deeply) Today, right? Please join me in one big, deep breath before we dive into talking about sex. (Laughter) Just one big, slow, deep breath in. (Inhales) And a big, slow, deep breath out. (Exhales) OK, now let's talk about sex. So yes, my name is Emily. I am a sex educator. It's the best job in the world. In the fall of 2010, I taught a class called "Women's Sexuality" at Smith College. It was a 100-level, introductory-level class, but I shoehorned in all the science I could, all the psychophysiology and all the neuroscience and even - God forbid - all the sociology, and at the end of this really intense semester, I asked my students to write down just one really important thing that they had learned. This is what they said: "I'm normal." "I am normal." "Just because my sexuality is not the same as other women's, that does not make me abnormal." "Everything is normal. Bringing joy and confidence to sex." "I learned that everything is normal, making it possible for me to go through the rest of my life with confidence and joy." 187 students I had in that class, and more than half of them wrote something along the lines of ... "I'm normal." So I sat in my office, and I read those responses with tears in my eyes. There was something essential to my students about feeling normal, and somehow my class had unlocked the door to that feeling. Moments like that are why I'm a sex educator; it's why I'm here. I mean, it's why I'm here in Nevada, but it's why I'm here: to give everyone on Earth an experience like the one my students had, of unlocking the door to their own authentic sexual well-being. So that's what I'm going to do with you guys today. (Laughter) Because it turns out, we all really are ... normal. The science says so. I can prove it! Are you ready? Let's do it! OK! (Inhales deeply) The mechanism in your brain that controls sexual response is the "dual control model." The dual control model - that means there's how many parts? Two! Thank you! And if I tell you the first part is the sexual accelerator or the "gas pedal," that means the second part has to be the ... ? Brake! They don't let just anybody into these TED Talks. (Laughter) So, the sexual accelerator notices all the sexually-relevant information in the environment, everything you see, hear, smell, touch, taste or imagine, that your brain codes as sexually relevant, and it sends the signal that says "Turn on." And it is functioning at a low level all the time, including right now, just the fact that we're talking about sex is a little bit sexually relevant. At the same time that that's happening, in parallel, your brake is noticing all the very good reasons not to be turned on right now. This is everything you see, hear, smell, touch, taste or imagine that your brain codes as a potential threat. And it sends a signal that says "Turn off." So the process of becoming aroused is the dual process of turning on the ons and turning off the offs. Usually when people struggle with their sexual well-being, it's because - sometimes there's not enough stimulation to the gas pedal, but more often, it's because there's too much stimulation to the brake, and all kinds of things can hit the brake. Like: Are you worried about unwanted pregnancy? Are you worried about your kids walking in, in the middle? Are you really sure that your partner loves your sexy body? Are you really sure that you love your sexy body? Did you spend the first two decades of your life in a culture that taught you that sex is dangerous, disgusting and dirty? That's going to hit the brake, right? (Laughter) So the first thing science tells us to do when we're struggling with our sexual functioning, when we want to access our own authentic sexual well-being, is to start to think through: What are things that hit our accelerator? What are the things that hit our brake? And especially, what are some strategies that we can use in order to minimise the things that are hitting the brake? I'm going to talk about two such evidence-based strategies at the end of the talk. But before I do that, I need to come clean with you about something, which is that all that stuff I just said isn't anywhere near as simple as I made it sound. Sorry. To explain what I mean, I'll tell you about the only affective neuroscience that has ever made me laugh out loud. OK. So I need you to imagine that you're a lab rat. You're a very savvy, experienced lab rat and the researchers have inserted a probe into your nucleus accumbens, a little, sort of jellybean-shaped thing in the middle of your emotional brain. It's a painless procedure, the researchers are clear to say. Plink! So you're this sort of semi-remote-controlled bionic rat, and you're in a three-chambered box, here you are in box #1 - just the ordinary lab environment - there's a bit of noise, the lights are on, but it's fine, you're good at this. So when the researchers zap the front of your nucleus accumbens, here's what you do: Ooh, ooh! What's that? Ooh! So these are approach, moving toward, curious behaviors, right? Ooh! What's that? And then, in this ordinary lab environment - the first box - when they zap the back of your nucleus accumbens, you do this: aaah, what the hell is that!? You're kicking up dust in the face of the predator. These are stress, avoidance, dread responses, right? Moving away as opposed to moving towards. Hit the front? Ooh..! What's that? Hit the back? What the hell is that!? Got that? (Laughter) That's box #1. So we move into box #2. Now box #2 is silent, and it's dark, and it smells like your mother. (Laughter) It is ... I call it the "Rat Spa." It's the most peaceful, calm state of mind you can imagine being in, and when they zap the front of your nucleus accumbens, What do you do? Ooh, ooh! What's that? Ooh! And then, when they zap the back of your nucleus accumbens, What do they do? Ooh, ooh! What's that? When you're in a calm, relaxed, peaceful state of mind, your brain will interpret almost any sensation as something that should be approached with curiosity. Even stimulation that in a different context, it might interpret as a potential threat to be moved away from. But wait ... There's more! (Laughter) We move to box #3. So, here in box #3, the lights are on really bright, music's played at different volumes, you can't even get used to it, they specify in the research paper - this made me laugh out loud - they specify they're playing Iggy Pop. So ... (Laughter) Imagine "Lust for Life" is playing at lots of different volumes, you can't get used to it, you're an introverted bookworm in the worst nightclub in the world, and when they zap the front of your nucleus accumbens, What do you do? Aah..! What the hell is that!? Exactly! They don't let just anybody into these talks, that's amazing! So, when you are in a stressed-out, threatened state of mind, your brain will interpret almost any sensation as something to be avoided, as a potential threat - even stimulation that in a different context, it might've interpreted as something to be approached with curiosity. All of which is a really nerdy way of describing a thing all of us have experienced in the form of tickling. (Laughter) Because, you know, tickling is not everyone's favorite, that's fair, I understand, but at least hypothetically, you can imagine a world where you're in a sexy, fun, flirty state of mind already, and your certain special someone starts tickling on you, and it can feel fun and playful and potentially lead to further nooky, right? But if that exact same certain special someone tried to tickle when you were pissed off at them, (Laughter) how would that feel? As one of my students recently put it: "Violence would shortly ensue." (Laughter) But the weird thing is, it's exactly the same sensation, but because the context is different, your brain interprets it entirely the opposite way. So when I say, "Turn on the ons, and turn off the offs," it's nowhere near as simple as just "Touch me here - don't touch me that way." What it means is, create a context that allows your brain to interpret the world as a pleasurable, safe, sexy place. For most people - again, people vary - but for most people, that context is low stress, high affection and high trust. Those three things are hard enough to come by in the 21st century, but they are not actually the keys that unlock that door to your authentic sexual well-being. Sorry! But this is the big moment, right? This is when I - here they are. I've got this satin shiny pillow with tassels and two keys lying on it. Right here: the keys to your authentic sexual well-being. Don't you want to know what they are? I will explain. The first key says "confidence," and the second key says "joy." How do they work? What do you mean? Where do I get them? Confidence - Confidence comes from knowing what is true about your body, your sexuality, your internal experience. Knowing what's true. Knowing that you have a brake, for example, as well as an accelerator. Knowing that they're sensitive to context, knowing what's true even if it's not what you were taught to expect would be true, even if it's not what you were taught "should" be true. Confidence is knowing what is true. Joy ... is loving what's true. Loving your brake as much as your accelerator, loving that they're sensitive to context, loving what's true even if it's not what you were taught to expect would be true, even - especially - if it's not what you were taught "should" be true. And I guarantee you, you're going to walk out of here with both keys in your pocket. I'm going to tell you specifically how to get your hands on them. But first, I need to talk to you about a cartoon panda. (Laughter) Have you seen the movie "Kung-fu Panda"? It's about a cartoon panda named Po; he becomes a kung-fu master - "Kung Fu Panda" - by diligent effort, the support of his teacher and the wisdom of the Dragon Scroll. The Dragon Scroll contains the key to limitless power! And when Po first gets his hands on the Dragon Scroll he is ... disappointed because there's nothing written on it. It's blank. It just reflects his face. And then comes his epiphany: There is no secret ingredient. It's just ... you. And that is how you get your hands on the keys that unlock the door to your own authentic sexual well-being, by turning toward your own internal experience with calm curiosity. Ooh! What's that? Because it turns out the key to limitless power is you. And now I will tell you the two concrete, specific, evidence-based things that you can do in order to increase your grasp on these two keys of confidence and joy. Ready? Thing #1: What I want you to do is stand in front of a mirror as close to naked as you can tolerate. (Laughter) It gets worse! (Laughter) So what you're going to do is look at what you see there, and you're going to write down everything that you see that you like.

Frequently Occurring Word Combinations

ngrams of length 2

collocation frequency
authentic sexual 6
deep breath 3
potential threat 3
internal experience 3
dragon scroll 3
sex educator 2
sexual accelerator 2
brain codes 2
lab rat 2
ordinary lab 2
lab environment 2
cartoon panda 2

ngrams of length 3

collocation frequency
ordinary lab environment 2

Important Words

  1. aaah
  2. aah
  3. abnormal
  4. accelerator
  5. access
  6. accumbens
  7. affection
  8. affective
  9. approach
  10. approached
  11. aroused
  12. asked
  13. authentic
  14. avoidance
  15. avoided
  16. behaviors
  17. big
  18. bionic
  19. bit
  20. blank
  21. body
  22. bookworm
  23. box
  24. brain
  25. brake
  26. breath
  27. bright
  28. bringing
  29. call
  30. called
  31. calm
  32. cartoon
  33. century
  34. class
  35. clean
  36. clear
  37. close
  38. codes
  39. college
  40. concrete
  41. confidence
  42. context
  43. control
  44. controls
  45. create
  46. culture
  47. curiosity
  48. curious
  49. dangerous
  50. dark
  51. decades
  52. deep
  53. deeply
  54. describing
  55. diligent
  56. dirty
  57. disappointed
  58. disgusting
  59. dive
  60. door
  61. dragon
  62. dread
  63. dual
  64. dust
  65. earth
  66. educator
  67. effort
  68. emily
  69. emotional
  70. ensue
  71. environment
  72. essential
  73. exact
  74. exhales
  75. expect
  76. experience
  77. experienced
  78. explain
  79. eyes
  80. face
  81. fact
  82. fair
  83. fall
  84. favorite
  85. feel
  86. feeling
  87. fine
  88. flirty
  89. forbid
  90. form
  91. front
  92. fu
  93. fun
  94. functioning
  95. gas
  96. give
  97. god
  98. good
  99. grasp
  100. guarantee
  101. guys
  102. hands
  103. happening
  104. hard
  105. hear
  106. hell
  107. high
  108. hit
  109. hitting
  110. hypothetically
  111. iggy
  112. imagine
  113. important
  114. including
  115. increase
  116. information
  117. ingredient
  118. inhales
  119. inserted
  120. intense
  121. internal
  122. interpret
  123. interpreted
  124. interprets
  125. introverted
  126. job
  127. join
  128. joy
  129. key
  130. keys
  131. kicking
  132. kids
  133. kinds
  134. knowing
  135. lab
  136. laugh
  137. laughter
  138. lead
  139. learned
  140. level
  141. life
  142. lights
  143. limitless
  144. lines
  145. lots
  146. loud
  147. love
  148. loves
  149. loving
  150. lying
  151. making
  152. master
  153. means
  154. mechanism
  155. middle
  156. mind
  157. minimise
  158. mirror
  159. model
  160. moment
  161. moments
  162. mother
  163. move
  164. moved
  165. movie
  166. moving
  167. naked
  168. named
  169. nerdy
  170. neuroscience
  171. nevada
  172. nightclub
  173. noise
  174. nooky
  175. normal
  176. notices
  177. noticing
  178. nucleus
  179. office
  180. offs
  181. ons
  182. ooh
  183. opposed
  184. order
  185. ordinary
  186. painless
  187. panda
  188. paper
  189. parallel
  190. part
  191. partner
  192. parts
  193. peaceful
  194. pedal
  195. people
  196. pillow
  197. pissed
  198. place
  199. played
  200. playful
  201. playing
  202. pleasurable
  203. po
  204. pocket
  205. pop
  206. potential
  207. potentially
  208. power
  209. predator
  210. pregnancy
  211. probe
  212. procedure
  213. process
  214. prove
  215. psychophysiology
  216. put
  217. rat
  218. read
  219. ready
  220. reasons
  221. reflects
  222. relaxed
  223. relevant
  224. research
  225. researchers
  226. response
  227. responses
  228. rest
  229. safe
  230. sat
  231. satin
  232. savvy
  233. science
  234. scroll
  235. secret
  236. semester
  237. sends
  238. sensation
  239. sensitive
  240. sex
  241. sexual
  242. sexuality
  243. sexually
  244. sexy
  245. shiny
  246. shoehorned
  247. shortly
  248. signal
  249. silent
  250. simple
  251. slow
  252. smell
  253. smells
  254. smith
  255. sociology
  256. sort
  257. sound
  258. spa
  259. special
  260. specific
  261. specifically
  262. spend
  263. stand
  264. start
  265. starts
  266. state
  267. stimulation
  268. strategies
  269. stress
  270. struggle
  271. struggling
  272. students
  273. stuff
  274. support
  275. talk
  276. talking
  277. talks
  278. tassels
  279. taste
  280. taught
  281. teacher
  282. tears
  283. ted
  284. tells
  285. threat
  286. threatened
  287. tickle
  288. tickling
  289. time
  290. today
  291. tolerate
  292. touch
  293. true
  294. trust
  295. turn
  296. turned
  297. turning
  298. turns
  299. understand
  300. unlock
  301. unlocked
  302. unlocking
  303. unwanted
  304. vary
  305. volumes
  306. wait
  307. walk
  308. walking
  309. weird
  310. wisdom
  311. work
  312. world
  313. worried
  314. worst
  315. write
  316. written
  317. wrote
  318. zap