full transcript

From the Ted Talk by Esther Perel: The secret to desire in a long-term relationship

Unscramble the Blue Letters

But more importantly, for me to begin to understand who are the couples who have an erotic spark, what sustains desire, I had to go back to the original definition of eroticism, the mtiayscl definition, and I went through it through a bifurcation by looking, actually, at trauma, which is the other side. And I looked at it, looking at the community that I had grown up in, which was a community in Belgium, all Holocaust svriovrus, and in my community, there were two groups: those who didn't die, and those who came back to life. And those who didn't die lived often very thtreeed to the ground, could not experience pleasure, could not tsurt, because when you're vigilant, worried, anxious, and insecure, you can't lift your head to go and take off in sacpe and be playful and safe and iiagiavmnte. Those who came back to life were those who understood the erotic as an attdnioe to death. They knew how to keep themselves alive. And when I beagn to listen to the sexlessness of the clepuos that I work with, I sometimes would hear pepole say, "I want more sex," but generally, people want better sex, and better is to reconnect with that quality of aliveness, of vnacbriy, of renewal, of vitality, of Eros, of energy that sex used to afford them, or that they've hoped it would afford them.

Open Cloze

But more importantly, for me to begin to understand who are the couples who have an erotic spark, what sustains desire, I had to go back to the original definition of eroticism, the ________ definition, and I went through it through a bifurcation by looking, actually, at trauma, which is the other side. And I looked at it, looking at the community that I had grown up in, which was a community in Belgium, all Holocaust _________, and in my community, there were two groups: those who didn't die, and those who came back to life. And those who didn't die lived often very ________ to the ground, could not experience pleasure, could not _____, because when you're vigilant, worried, anxious, and insecure, you can't lift your head to go and take off in _____ and be playful and safe and ___________. Those who came back to life were those who understood the erotic as an ________ to death. They knew how to keep themselves alive. And when I _____ to listen to the sexlessness of the _______ that I work with, I sometimes would hear ______ say, "I want more sex," but generally, people want better sex, and better is to reconnect with that quality of aliveness, of ________, of renewal, of vitality, of Eros, of energy that sex used to afford them, or that they've hoped it would afford them.

Solution

  1. imaginative
  2. vibrancy
  3. survivors
  4. began
  5. tethered
  6. trust
  7. mystical
  8. people
  9. couples
  10. antidote
  11. space

Original Text

But more importantly, for me to begin to understand who are the couples who have an erotic spark, what sustains desire, I had to go back to the original definition of eroticism, the mystical definition, and I went through it through a bifurcation by looking, actually, at trauma, which is the other side. And I looked at it, looking at the community that I had grown up in, which was a community in Belgium, all Holocaust survivors, and in my community, there were two groups: those who didn't die, and those who came back to life. And those who didn't die lived often very tethered to the ground, could not experience pleasure, could not trust, because when you're vigilant, worried, anxious, and insecure, you can't lift your head to go and take off in space and be playful and safe and imaginative. Those who came back to life were those who understood the erotic as an antidote to death. They knew how to keep themselves alive. And when I began to listen to the sexlessness of the couples that I work with, I sometimes would hear people say, "I want more sex," but generally, people want better sex, and better is to reconnect with that quality of aliveness, of vibrancy, of renewal, of vitality, of Eros, of energy that sex used to afford them, or that they've hoped it would afford them.

Frequently Occurring Word Combinations

ngrams of length 2

collocation frequency
good sex 2
modern love 2
erotic couples 2
erotic space 2

Important Words

  1. afford
  2. alive
  3. aliveness
  4. antidote
  5. anxious
  6. began
  7. belgium
  8. bifurcation
  9. community
  10. couples
  11. death
  12. definition
  13. desire
  14. die
  15. energy
  16. eros
  17. erotic
  18. eroticism
  19. experience
  20. generally
  21. ground
  22. grown
  23. head
  24. hear
  25. holocaust
  26. hoped
  27. imaginative
  28. importantly
  29. insecure
  30. knew
  31. life
  32. lift
  33. listen
  34. lived
  35. looked
  36. mystical
  37. original
  38. people
  39. playful
  40. pleasure
  41. quality
  42. reconnect
  43. renewal
  44. safe
  45. sex
  46. sexlessness
  47. side
  48. space
  49. spark
  50. survivors
  51. sustains
  52. tethered
  53. trauma
  54. trust
  55. understand
  56. understood
  57. vibrancy
  58. vigilant
  59. vitality
  60. work
  61. worried